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Old 05-16-2012, 05:20 AM
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Phy Phy is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Germany
Posts: 651
Default Organization of one's leisure time

I am not that happy with myself right now. At least not in regard to Sward's and my relationship. There have always been times, when we don't have much time with each other because of his job. Normally that is during season, when he has a lot of work to do. Because of the dire situation at work right now, it seems to be season all the time and he is just working, working, working. As I hate to not have him around, I usually find a way to distract myself and I did so by falling back in old patterns. Things have been a bit stressful lately, at my working place, at home, with my mother and my outlet is playing some PC games. Headphones on, music, playing for some hours, chatting with others. But I can become addict-like as well with it, as I love my free time and am generally a bit self-absorbed from time to time.

So, where lies the problem? I share this hobby with Lin. Completely. We initially met while playing one of those online games. That means, even during the times I am kind of self-centering, doing 'my' thing, playing around, Lin is involved as we normally play together. Sward gets left out. As long as he isn't there all day, no problem. But as soon as he comes home, I often don't change my behavior as well, because he is tired from work, and after dinner he is fast asleep. The real problematic part comes as soon as we have free time together.

Someone (I think it was rory) called me 'low maintenance'. In a way, that is true. I am happy as long as Sward and Lin are around, talking to me, discussing things on their mind with me, making some coffee, sitting down together, just being with each other while everyone is basically doing his own thing, some cuddle time while watching a film. That's more than enough on a day to day basis. But I don't mind how things may look like for them. Sward wants to make up for the time we lose regularly because of his job and the aftermaths of it when he comes home (sleepy and tiered) by doing something special. BUT 1) we don't have money for something extra ordinary 2) he never speaks up.

In regard to 1), yes, there are many things one can do without spending much money. No problem, he needs to adjust his wishes. But with 2) real problem. As I said, I am totally happy when things are as I described them above. No complains on my part. And I don't think of him during that moments, as I am already happy. I need him to speak up for himself. But as he sees that I am happy he doesn't want to speak up when he feels a bit unsatisfied because he feels like spoiling my fun. *sigh* As it seems, I will have to remind me more often to bear this in mind. Because this usually ends with him feeling a bit neglected. And that's obviously not what I want.

We never had something like a weekly date. Maybe it's time to think about doing something together, we can afford on a regular basis during Sundays. I know myself, I need something fitting in a schedule for me to remember doing it, as I am totally oblivious to some rules like 'whenever one feels like it' or ' whenever the time is right'. Because I never feel the same on a regular basis and my timetable is a complete mess if I get to arrange it according to my liking. *mumbling* How easy things are with Lin. Having things in common with partners can be incredibly handy.
Facts: 30, female, bi, v-type relationship with Sward (husband, straight, mono) and Lin (boyfriend, straight, mono), poly-fi and co-primary.

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