Thank you for the responses!
It happens that he met her very shortly before a family event and so the agreements that have been made are different than what we may do/expect on the norm.
On the norm I do not think it necessary to ask me before discussing with her about scheduling time for a date. However as we have a family consulting one another before solid plans are made to coordinate is necessary.
Texting isn't a sensitive issue normaly. Its the significant amount of texting that I meant by fast fast (coupled with attempting to see her very quickly after their first meeting despite previous plans/agreements). Honestly we didn't have a specific clear cut agreement with texting for the norm. I think it would help us both if we did come to a more specific preference there. It has felt overboard to me because he has his phone with him constantly. They have been texting form the moment he gets up til goes to bed. I think what rubbs is when he texted her during our date (we saw a movie & he texted while waiting for the movie) and he's had his phone attached to him while we're here with his parents. It stung when he told her he missed her during our date. Just feels like its invading too much of our space.
I don't expect relationships to develop the same. I know intellectually that doesn't make sense. Coincidentally that's been a non issue because they are both new relationships & so far are on similar levels. I am not thrilled that since meeting I feel like my time always involves her time.
I really think this frustration came up more when he asked to cancel our date night. My ego was bruised and the texting and asking to see again just added fuel to it.
For this week... Our agreement was that we would NOT see anyone because his parents rented a condo for us all to stay and we could schedule dates when we returned. (His parents live out of state so we have two week long visits each year) Because we knew we would be unavailable we scheduled dates right before. I saw my gf Thursday. He saw gf Friday. Hubby & I had date night Saturday. Family arrived Sunday.
So in this instance when it was already agreed we would not see others I think it would be very appropriate to ask me if I was ok with 1. changing that arrangement 2. If I minded if he went while I entertained his parents PRIOR to asking her. So I do feel put on the spot.
Yes, he does articulate what he feels. I told him why I was requesting him to tone it down. We actually had a very adult conversation about it. I only asked that he tone down the frequency of talking because I was feeling a little overwhelmed and it was put forth as "just gimme a couple days to work through my insecurities without it being so in my face with the constant texts. He agreed he was getting a little carried away. He is a very articulate person and has no problem speaking his mind. He said he thought the request was reasonable and would be happy to etc.. The next day rather than toning it down he tried to schedule a date despite already agreeing we wouldn't.
I wonder if I would feel so sensitive if it weren't for the timing of his parents being here. It does kinda feel she's getting more conversation with him than I am. It is finals week so he's been driving back to our town to take an exam each day, he goes in early to study and he's studying now. So I'm here alone with his folks a good chunk of the day. We get a short bit of time to talk before we go to sleep. He texts me ocassinally while he's gone but with the excitement of it all she's getting a great deal of his attention. All our time is spent with his parents or with our daughter.