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Old 05-15-2012, 05:25 PM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Northern Cali
Posts: 552

Originally Posted by dingedheart View Post

How many secondary relationships have you had during your time with your current husband?
By my definition, 1. By my husband's definition, 2. By the "average" poly definition...I don't even know. 4? 5? Maybe more? I've had several FWB's that had enough elements of a relationship that it could have fallen under a secondary label if we had really bothered using it.

You said when he moves out that you and he were fairly certain that it would become a co-primary type one. Is or was your husband involved in those discussions?
Of course. They both hear about things I'm thinking about/talking about with the other.
Are you "out" to kid, friends, relatives, neighbors ...employers?
Friends, yes; relatives and kids, not yet; employers, no. However, I think who we are and aren't out to is less relevant than if everyone involved in comfortable with the level of "outness", which we are. TGIB is actually the strongest supporter of being "in" since he comes from the most conservative family, so this is not a case of a secondary feeling slighted by being "hidden". He knows I'll tell the world when he's comfortable with it.
How do you work a 2 week family vacation to Yellowstone the kids get a vote as to the new co primary coming alone?
The kids are 1 and 5, so no, they don't get a vote. Our former housemate (non-romantic) as well as our parents and siblings have come with us on trips before, so the definition of a "family" vacation for us is pretty loose. The biggest question would be, "Does TGIB want to go?" and we'd figure it out from there.

How would you feel if hubs decided he wanted to be a secondary? My wife was shocked and insulted....which I still don't get.
Since we have kids together and own a house together, I'm really not sure how that would work. I wouldn't mind him having another primary-ish relationship as long as scheduling worked out and his responsibilities to the kids and me were taken care of.

I took the comment of giving "all " to mean ....a persons romantic focus ...Heart and soul. Not similar to a time management or a hobby
From my pov you can give your heart to more than one person, and you can't give your soul to anyone, so it still comes down to time for me.

DH, are you aware you come of as interrogating sometimes? I understand asking questions for clarification and to introduce a different perspective, but you bombarded me with 5 questions in a row with very little in the way of context or anything to explain where you were coming from or the purpose of the questions. I didn't mind the questions themselves, so I decided to answer them, but I was taken aback at first by the way they were written and almost chose to ignore them/you. Might want to think more about how you're asking the questions if your goal is actually to get them answered.
Pan Female, Hinge in a V between my mono (straight) husband, Monochrome and my poly (pan) partner, ThatGuyInBlack
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