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Old 05-15-2012, 03:19 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Oregon, USA
Posts: 1,443

Okay it's been a while so I figured I'd give everyone an update.

First, bad news, I'm not divorced yet.
Raga said he sent the paperwork in December, so I contacted the Registry of Divorce to ask if anything had been filed.
They told me they had nothing to these names, and that they should have received everything from early December (this was either late December or early January) but to try again in a few weeks. I called again in February, March, April and got negative answers again. I called in May from France and they didn't get back to me, which I figured might be because I'm in another country. I might contact them again in writing.

Still, as soon as I arrived in France I contacted a lawyer, first through e-mail and the phone, and then in person. My appointment was yesterday.

The good news is she thinks the divorce should be straightforward. The bad news is that I need documents from Raga.
I need a birth certificate (she would ask for it herself if he was French but since he's Canadian she says she can't and I have to procure it) and a copy of his ID with a signature.
Canada allows other people to ask for a birth certificate provided permission is given. So I sent Raga an email asking for a scan of his ID, and a scan of a written permission to ask for his birth certificate.

I asked 24 hours ago and didn't get any response, not even to confirm he got the emails. I suspect he is ignoring/avoiding me again, as he's been doing for a year and a half.

I'm very frustrated, but looking into alternate ways to obtain the documents. Maybe I have an old ID of his or a scan of one? And technically a lawyer can ask for a birth certificate for a divorce with a court order, so I'll have to see if my lawyer can obtain such a thing (French law being different from Canadian law, it's a big mess to match the two, usually one requires something the other doesn't allow, at some point.)

My next appointment with the lawyer is next Wednesday (at first she gave me an appointment a week after the first one, so next Monday, but then she extended it to next Wednesday "to give me time to get the paperwork". I'm afraid no amount of time would be enough to obtain a response from Raga, at this point. I did tell him it was urgent though and it's so little effort from his part, I'm hoping he'll do something).

I also haven't obtained a response about why the divorce is taking so long and why he hasn't filed. He never confirmed sending the paperwork even when I asked directly. As you recall it's been a year now of just divorce stuff (a year and a half of being separated), when it should have been straightforward and a formality. I'm extremely frustrated with him, especially since he insisted so much that he wanted to remain friends and he's the one not making any effort toward that goal -_-'

On the other hand, today also happens to be his birthday, so I've decided to give him a break, that is if he doesn't respond today, I'll let it fly, but I expect a reply tomorrow.

Seamus says we should threaten him and maybe he would do something then. But I keep wanting Raga to do things, I just want him, once, not to let me down. I feel stupid because he still does every time, and everyone around me thinks I'm pathetic for constantly trusting him.
I guess I just want to think that he did love me. But his attitude since the break-up have been so hostile, he doesn't treat me with basic respect he would show to a random stranger, it makes me feel like a fool for loving him so much and staying with him for so long despite all of our problems. I feel like he was just using me. And when I tell me "no, he did love you", I can't help but think about little things, like when he was rejected by J and told be "I'll never be happy in love" despite being with me, or when we broke up and he started crying and said "I'm worried I'll never have sex again" instead of being sad not to be with me anymore.

I feel like I fell into some kind of trap, that I love him but he just was with me because I was there, I was practical and I didn't say no. I feel like a fool and I'm trying to grab anything I can that proves it wasn't the case, and every time he ignores me, it just proves it a little bit more.

We've been separated for a year and a half, but it doesn't really get easier. Every time I think about it, it just tears me apart like it did back then. I'm just a little bit more numb.
I knew we wouldn't be best friend right away. But people told me to give it six months, and it's been that time three times over. And he still won't talk to me. Communication is so important, I still want to talk about things. I guess I shouldn't be surprised though, the last straw that made me break up with him was that he refused to talk to me about stuff and instead left for his parents place, and never got back to me until I broke up.

Then he panicked and wanted to talk, but how can I trust someone who abandoned me when I needed him the most?

Sorry, I'm ranting. It's part of the reason why I haven't been updating this journal that much. It just depresses me every time. I'm looking forward to being able to report real good news.

If everything goes right, the French divorce should be able to go through on the 31st of December, 2012, because we'll have been separated for 2 years then. That is, if we can get the documents from Raga.
Otherwise, it will take 2 years from the time the divorce is filed, which will be later this year.

Seamus doesn't seem to really care if it takes 2 years, he says he just wants to know it will be done at some point, nothing else matters to him. But me, I feel trapped. I'm still married to Raga. I keep having to justify things about him, like for welfare they want to know how much he makes and prove that he's not paying me alimony and stuff, other places require all his details for no apparent reason. I still receive stuff in his name: I ordered a new cheque book and got it yesterday. Guess what, his name is on it, even though I ordered it for me.

Anyways. I hope to have some good news soon. I hope it doesn't take an extra two years, by that point we would have spent more time married while separated than while together.
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