A wing's observations of a hinge
Yup, good points. I've seen a lot of this in various ways in Gia, the hinge in the vee between me, her, and her husband. She was SO supportive to the point that she seemed positively relieved when I started dating my bf, and it took me a little time to realize that this was in large part because it relieved a lot of her guilt of feeling like she wasn't devoting enough time/energy to me. I had to explain to her that I'm ok, with or without another partner to "balance" things out. I understand that the relationship that she and I have is of a "secondary" nature because that's what she has room for in her life and I don't suffer for it not being more than it is, I just find other places to focus my energy. I think she's getting better about trusting me on this.
It's been very helpful to us both for her to find ways to fit me into things she already needs to do, like the two of us weeding her garden together, so that she can see me without the stress of feeling like she's abandoning the rest of her life just when it needs her most (with a job, a husband, a child, a house, AND a girlfriend her plate is full full full). It's then back on me again to make sure she understand that I don't feel "used" because we're working on her life together instead of mine -- I have the time, I like gardening, I find it peaceful, I like being with her, she gives me herbs to take home... it really is all good. Not that I'd mind so much if she wanted to use me, but that's a different topic. ^_^
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.