Originally Posted by CielDuMatin
I know quite a few relationships that are more than happy with a one-sided arrangement like this - and as far as I am concerned, if everyone is happy, then there's nothing wrong with it.
HOWEVER, if it's something both of them want to try, and he wants her to agree to him having someone else but she wants to and isn't allowed to, then that is hugely unfair, a double-standard and hypocritical.
If he isn't going to give you want you want, then you shouldn't be granting him what he wants - this has to be fair. [...]
I have to comment on a few points here:
a) Apparently, she IS (at least theoretically) interested in another relationship. From River
's opening post:
a woman whose man wants to have another woman in his life. But this man won't allow her to have another man in her life. She's trying to come to terms with this situation.
[The boldface and underlining are mine, but if you pay attention to these 2 details, it's clear that he's forbidding her to act as she'd like.]
b) I'm a bit leery of backing up "If he isn't going to give you want you want, then you shouldn't be granting him what he wants"
. I agree with it as far as it goes, but it seems to be too much "tit for tat" revenge: "If I can't have an ice-cream, I'll throw your ice-cream on the ground!"
I would suggest having serious talks on the subject, trying to get her man to see the gross injustice of his posture. But if he insists on that point, I'd be even more rad than "You're not allowed to have what I can't have". If it came [comes] to the crunch, I'd say: "You're a self-centred, unjust bozo, and I don't know why I've stayed with you this long. So... bye bye!" Easier to say than to do but these selfish hypocrites get my back up!