Originally Posted by zylya
To me, if I'm in a committed relationship and I have a FB on the side, and neither of the two partners knows each other (although they do know OF each other) then that's still poly. However, some will say that since they don't know each other it's not poly. Others will say that since I only have one committed relationship, it's not poly. Someone else might ask if I would be open to a second committed relationship, and if that would make it poly.
For me the poly vs. open vs. swinger thing is fairly simple in concept but more complex in reality. The situation you describe here, I would consider open. You're only having a loving relationship with one person, but you're open to sex with others. You may also identify as poly (or one of the other 2 may), but this particular situation isn't really poly unless there are feelings other than lust and friendship in the second relationship.
However, some people don't really feel a difference between friendly love and romantic love, so if you are one of those people - it makes it more difficult to know where the line is. I personally experience something VERY different when I have romantic interest than when I am interested as purely friends.
Originally Posted by CielDuMatin
But is anybody suggesting that a post like "We have been monogamous all our lives. My boyfriend and I really want to have a threesome with another female. We have both agreed that neither of us will develop anything beyond the sexual stuff with her. how do we go about finding a suitable person?"
Now, I know this is an extreme case, and as some have said, for some having a sexual relationship usually means that feelings develop beyond that. But would most of us agree that this isn't poly? or am I off base?
If it's NOT poly, then where is the line?
I've noticed a few very similar to this. When pressed, they'll respond that "if feelings develop, we'd have to figure something out" or something of that sort instead of saying "yeah! We WANT (one or both of us) to fall in love!"
To me, that sort of outlook isn't necessarily poly. It may be coming from people on their way to poly, but they aren't quite there yet if they view emotions as an undesirable byproduct of sex.
I think the line is intent. If you are looking for someone who could eventually become a partner (whether it is primary, secondary, casual, serious, or whatever) but does include a loving, caring, not always sexual aspect then it would be a poly endeavor. If you are just looking for someone to have sex with and then move on, it's open (when solo) or swinging (when couple-centric). Obviously these are my personal thoughts.