Originally Posted by Arrowbound
With regards to this troubling language that keeps popping up:
"freaking out in a non-productive way"
"because of expressed hurt feelings"
"polluted her thing with her lover"
NOT GOOD. I dunno if you're aware of this but her continually projecting her guilt and in turn making you feel worse than you already are is NOT OKAY!!!! It has nothing to do with you being mature or not. If you are experiencing something emotionally and voice that to your partner their response should be to support you through whatever it is. Period. Not try to make you feel like shit when you already feel like shit. Like you're raining on her parade.
Who says that? Seriously?!?! I know she's not used to considering another person's feelings, and that much is obvious, but, really?!
I agree with this wholeheartedly. everyone's feelings matter.
I'm working double-time myself because one of my lovers, who I've been with 9 years, is having a lot of difficulty with jealousy, even though at one point we'd all but ended our romantic relationship after we opened it up. the intensity is exhausting, but how he feels matters. I'm obligated to work things through with him until we reach a resolution, and because of the nature of relationships, that means maybe we'll be working through things forever.
my other lover has ADD, I'm pretty sure, and he drives me insane sometimes, but he's worked on communicating more clearly so I don't feel forgotten. yes, my old lover (his official title was FWB but that might change) having intense issues did spoil NRE for me because my new lover freaked out a bit over the situation (justifiably) but it is what it is. I don't think that just because we're poly we're ENTITLED to immerse ourselves in NRE and neglect every other part of our lives. life is a balance.
PS I have Aspergers and have gone through a lot of CBT. it's not ever going to turn me into a neurotypical, but it has helped me understand how they work and most importantly, accept that I just don't work that way. self-understanding and self-acceptance is really important not only for yourself but so you can function in a relationship with another person or with other people.