Originally Posted by polypenguin
But what if she isn't ready? then what? do i let her have more time, and wined up in a never ending "i need more time" scenario. Or do i do what i want, knowing it's breaking her heart?
I'd like to hear some responses. When the time comes, whether she says she's ready or not, is it ok for me to hold her to her promise?
Then you have to decide what's more important - your need/desire (which is it?) for other partners or her feelings about it. Personally, as long as a partner was making an effort to get over his/her issues, I would try to wait. Depending on the depth of the commitment I have with that partner and assuming that I'm in love. If there were no effort, I would assume the relationship wasn't important and would cut my losses and move on.
I also have an inherent problem with inequality in relationships. I am pretty demanding in my relationships in that I require equal opportunities. I have to at least have the option of doing anything my partner does even if I have no desire for it - if he/she has other sexual relationships then I can have other sexual relationships, if he/she has other romantic partners then I can have other romantic partners, if he/she needs time to deal with the idea of me doing stuff then he/she needs to take a break from doing the equivalent stuff. I don't do well with rules that aren't equal, so I don't agree to them. You obviously are different from me in that regard (probably a good thing... lol I'm high maintenance).
It's hard to put a time frame on how long someone has to get over a specific issue. Some people can deal with things in a week, others take years. How long are you willing to wait? She can't MAKE you do anything, just like you can't make HER do anything. The choice is and always has been and will be yours. You just have to decide how important each thing is to you - would you be okay if Genebean decided she'd be okay with you being with other people but not for another year? Two years? Five years? What if she doesn't think she'll EVER be ready?
She is not the only one who has to figure out what will be acceptable in your relationship.