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Old 05-10-2012, 02:36 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,059
Default Communication (Sidetrack)

If you get the impression that I'm not impressed with the level of communication in our friends' marriages you would be correct. Dude thinks that MrS and I don't communicate which puzzles him because he also thinks that we are the happiest married people that he has ever known. I point out that just because he doesn't see us talking things to death all of the time doesn't mean we aren't communicating. After 20 years together the communication just takes the form of a short-hand of verbal and non-verbal signals and references to previous conversations.

To be fair, MrS and I never did seem have to engage in the hours of endless discussion that many people require to get on the same page – we share so many core philosophies that it has usually just been a matter of checking in occasionally to make sure we weren't making unwarranted assumptions. MrS and I are certainly happy to talk for hours on interesting topics (one of my favorite activities with my husband – he is a very interesting person) but they are rarely “working on our relationship” types of things. I often hear/read that relationships are hard and require a lot of “work” - but I don't see that, personally. Being with MrS is easy – we have our occasional blow-ups but in general I think we are both just low-maintenance. Being with Dude is fairly easy most of the time as well – I just need to remember that he seems to need very direct verbal feedback if something he says/does upsets me, and he doesn't have the years of experience of living with me to automagically know what I would think/feel about something..

(I wrote a bit about their different communication styles in a thread-jack on Black Unicorn's blog here:
http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showp...&postcount=244)
__________________
Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (together 21+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (together 3+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS
TT: poly bi male, married to Lotus, FB with JaneQ
VV and MsJ: bi-women with male primaries, LTR LDR FWBs to JaneQ


My poly blogs on this site:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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