The MrClean Incident
MrClean and I came quite close to getting in “trouble” on one occasion a few years ago. MrS was out for the night and MrClean came over to do something involving an upgrade to my computer (I am a complete Luddite and MrS is only marginally better, so our friends take care of our computer upkeep for us). Whatever it was took longer than expected – likely because we were drinking some heavy-hitting Belgian beers and attempting to not-quite seduce each other at the same time. I remember getting myself all worked up rubbing on/cuddling with him (clothes on, no kissing, breast but not genital fondling, some heavy breathing – my usual modus operandi when “pesting” my male friends). I went upstairs to masturbate leaving him on the couch downstairs to sober up (and take care of any of his needs with regards to sexual tension) before he drove home. After pleasuring myself I still couldn't fall asleep. I remember putting on my bathrobe over my undies and going back downstairs to “pest” him some more. I don't specifically recall going to bed a second time (my assumption is that I got myself worked up again and headed back upstairs for a second go-round with my favorite vibrator).
MrS came home that night/morning to find me sleeping in my underwear (I usually wear PJs) and MrClean gone but having left his pager/ID on the coffee table downstairs (? evidence of a "hasty retreat" ?). I wake up to a puzzled MrS asking me if I had sex with MrClean...hmm? “I don't think so, I didn't intend to... but I was pretty drunk, perhaps I should ask him?” (He said we didn't .)
This incident led to MrS and I having a conversation about my boundaries with MrClean. We both feel that he is, in fact, capable of cheating on his wife, and therefore cannot be trusted to stick to boundaries for the sake of his own relationship. As a result of this, the burden really falls on me to be the “boundary” enforcer (NOT my strong point when it comes to other people's boundaries – working on this). I should definitely NOT be drinking to the point of fuzziness when we are alone. MrS also expressed discomfort with being present and witnessing some of my interactions with MrClean – so he would prefer if I would tone it down when he is there. Subsequently I scaled way back on my physicality with MrClean across the board – still flirty, lap-sitting friends but nothing hot and heavy.
Although I am physically attracted to MrClean I do have real issues with his communication with MrsClean and his interactions with women in general (protective in a patronizing way, avoiding conflict by sacrificing honesty, projecting additional meanings into things,etc...I don't see that, personally, in my friendship with him but listening to him it seems like that is the exception.)
For instance, MrClean (pre-MrsClean) used to travel a lot for work and was a regular customer at strip clubs when he was traveling – which was a problem for a previous girlfriend. I have personally heard MrsClean say that she has no issues with him going to the occasional strip club when the boys are out together. A few years before the incident above MrS and MrClean were traveling out of state together. One night MrClean suggested that they go to a strip club, but said that he wouldn't want MrsClean to find out because she would be upset. MrS's response was that if they had to keep it a secret then they shouldn't go.
MrS wouldn't agree to keep that a secret from me (he wouldn't feel the need to specifically tell me either – but if it came up in conversation he wouldn't remember not to say anything - I don't care if he goes to strip clubs) AND I am simply not capable of remembering to keep a secret (seriously – if it's a secret, don't tell me, it would never occur to me not to say something if it came up – I don't need those kinds of complications in my life.) - so they didn't go. So, would MrsClean really have been upset or was MrClean projecting someone else's response onto his wife? Does she really say things publicly that she recants privately? I don't know.
Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (24+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (5+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic girlfriend and BFF
Lotus: "it's complicated"
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.
My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
Last edited by JaneQSmythe; 05-10-2012 at 02:31 AM.