Thread: Real Poly
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Old 05-09-2012, 06:46 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Originally Posted by brie View Post
...making plans to meet with girls behind my back, a small thing but Its the principle.
I wouldn't call it a small thing when he knows that is exactly the boundary you asked for. He crossed it. Knowingly and purposely.

Originally Posted by brie View Post
I talked to him about it,he said when we fight it makes him feel free.
I am just confused. I want to give him freedom but I need more honesty.
Well, in actuality, he is free. His freedom is not yours to give - you don't own him. So he needs to step up and take responsibility for his actions, you need to stop snooping on him, and the two of you need to communicate without fighting. Talk about what you are comfortable with, what you're not comfortable with - no need to fight about it! - and negotiate where in the middle you meet. State what the consequences will be when lines are crossed and then follow through on them. If he could lose you because of his behavior, let him know. Don't put up with bullshit. It takes some maturity as well as honesty, on both your parts. If you can't make compromises that work for both of you, think about alternatives. Maybe poly can't work for you, maybe it can - it's up to you.
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