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Old 05-09-2012, 11:08 AM
strixish strixish is offline
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 50

Originally Posted by blytheandbonny View Post
Your comment above implies that it's an ongoing state for you, though. Does this not affect your dynamic? Do you have coping techniques you can share?...Is jealousy a common thing that just has to be managed? Has this been done successfully by others in a LTR? Does it eventually fade?
Not to get too "woo woo" about it, but I think that when I can name the jealousy, it loses a lot of its power. I can try to repress it, because I want to be a good poly person, and don't want to let it exist. I can try to swallow it down and ignore it. However, that causes it to grow into this big huge THING that's constantly clouding my thoughts.

If I admit to it, and confess to everyone "oh, here's that jealousy that's chasing me all the time, check out this little green creature that's just constantly tagging along after me, that's my jealousy right there," then it shrinks. It's not a big deal anymore.

If I'm not embarrassed or ashamed of it, then it is a LOT easier to deal with. And more than that, if I make myself talk about it, then it's easier to get to the root of it (jealousy is a symptom, after all, and insecurity is the actual problem). And since talking about feelings is not something that comes naturally to me, it helps for me to get in the habit of pushing myself to talk about this.

It really does help to make jealousy into this little annoying thing that pops up and "pings" my brain from time to time, but too small to control me or to have a negative impact on my relationships. I acknowledge it, confess it, address it with humor, and it just becomes one of the mild flaws that makes me human.
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