Well, it was a really up and down week for all three of us -- I had felt like S was being distant (which he was, to his own admission) and I know L was hurting because I was really stressed out. I couldn't get ahold of S all day yesterday, which is COMPLETELY unlike him, and L and I had been invited to a fetish event thing (vanilla b/c in public) -- we had invited S, but his social anxiety was really high yesterday and he didn't feel like he could go. So i had been hoping to touch base with him because he'd dismissed a concern that I had, and i ended up being completely hurt.
we finally spoke around 11pm, and we worked a lot of things out. L was SOOO supportive and amazing while i was hurting... And S was back to being himself once he realized how hurt i was and how concerned about the situation i was.
And this morning we all went together with another friend of ours and played discgolf. When we all got back to his place, the three of us took a shower (mostly platonic) and hung out for a few minutes, and then L and I went back to our place, and he went to do some yardwork at his parents' place to earn a little quick cash. I texted him when we got home that I had had fun, and he texted back that he had also had a lot of fun and that he was feeling better about all three of us. THEN he called and asked to speak to L to find out if I could spend the night over at his place tomorrow night. She said that sounded alright to her, and we'd make sure we negotiated boundaries and everything today.
SOOOO... right now I feel absolutely super. I feel like all three of us communicated really well, and like this will now begin to go forward instead of being in the stalled place it was in.
I'm really happy at the moment.
thanks for the advice guys, it helps SO much.