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Old 05-08-2012, 11:21 PM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tachycardia View Post
But I don't see the same agreement in a vee holding up over time. Those at the ends are likely to want to have unprotected sex with other partners.

? - I don't see why the agreement would be any less likely to hold up in a Vee than any other arrangement. And I don't see why the "arms" would be more likely than the "hinge" to want to have unprotected sex - I would think it would depend on the gender and mono/polyness of the people involved. (i.e. I think men are statistically more likely than women to object to condoms - barring a woman with allergies or other exceptions - and mono people aren't looking for outside sex anyway).

Our agreement is - condoms for anyone other than the three of us, unless we are all in agreement.

If, for example, Dude decides he wants to have unprotected sex with his new hypothetical girlfriend - then a.) MrS and I have to be satisfied that she is clean b.) she has to agree to condoms with HER other partners and c.) we have to be comfortable enough to trust her. If all of these conditions don't apply and Dude decides that he would like to have unprotected sex with her anyway then it is back to condoms between him and I (which isn't a problem from my end - my sexual satisfaction is not affected). (Contraception decisions at that point would be between him and NewGirlfriend.)

If I, for example, decide to bring a new (third) guy into the mix and forego condoms the same conditions would apply - MrS and Dude would have to be satisfied that he was clean, he would have to agree to use condoms with HIS other partners...etc. Difference is that I would be less likely to ask for fluid-bonding from my end (as explained already - condoms don't affect my sexual experience negatively). And I would not proceed with unprotected sex if my current partners did not agree (I'm not, 20 years in, suddenly going to make my husband wear a condom so some new guy can have a better sexual experience!)

If one of us has another partner and all of the conditions are met - fluid bonding can happen. Then the rule would be - "condoms except amongst us four" - if you are fluid-bonded to one of us, you are fluid bonded to all of us, and should it happen that NewGirlfriend should decide that she also wants to pursue a relationship with MrS condoms would not be required at that point.

An interesting aside - contraception at this point would be a matter of negotiation between NewGirlfriend and MrS and ME - which I just realized as I was typing this. As MrS's legal wife I feel I should have some input regarding procreation. If MrS gets NewGirlfriend pregnant - he is legally responsible for child support etc., this affects our joint finances, etc. I have no legal responsibility for Dude's offspring. (Which is not saying that I wouldn't have an emotional, ethical, etc. responsibility - depending on my relationship with NewGirlfriend) And we should all be aware of the fact that accidents do happen and contraceptives do fail and we should address what happens if that happens while having these conversations.

I'll stop now as this post is long enough and I have told my relevant anecdotes elsewhere.

JaneQ

PS. For the record, I have already taken care of contraception on my part so hypothetical NewBoyfriend and I would be covered there already.
__________________
Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (together 21+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (together 3+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS
TT: poly bi male, married to Lotus, FB with JaneQ
VV and MsJ: bi-women with male primaries, LTR LDR FWBs to JaneQ


My poly blogs on this site:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe

Last edited by JaneQSmythe; 05-08-2012 at 11:32 PM. Reason: PS
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