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Old 05-08-2012, 10:28 PM
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tachycardia tachycardia is offline
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 48

Originally Posted by Tonberry View Post
I think the main problem with that reasoning is that some people have several primaries, and that "never, only with primary" doesn't mean said primary is only fluid bonded with you. But now that you explained it, I guess people can vote accordingly?
Yeah, I realized that like two seconds after my post. Oh well.

If you have a strongly-connected multi-person primary relationship like a triad, you might have a similar arrangement that you only have unprotected sex with those in the triad. But I don't see the same agreement in a vee holding up over time. Those at the ends are likely to want to have unprotected sex with other partners. And then you have a W or a WWWWWWW, and there is no way to know the likelihood that an infection will be transmitted to you and your partners.

I knew I was going to get flack for making this about time, but time does seem like an important consideration to me. If someone has negative test results, that tells me that they haven't been infected in the past, but it doesn't tell me what is going to happen in the future. If someone wanted to have unprotected sex with me very soon, then I would infer that the person and the person's partners might be likely to bring new fluids into the mix without my knowledge in the future. Test results don't seem sufficient to me. It seems that I would need not only to trust them, but also their partners. That would take some time, no?

I've only been practicing multiple relationships five months, so I do not speak from experience. All I can share is my impression as an applied mathematician and behavioral scientist.

What Xared has described is most similar to the approach of myself and my wife at this point. We have unprotected oral sex with anyone who is not deemed very high risk, but have been using barriers for vaginal and anal sex. It seems vaginal sex would be the sweet spot regarding the ratio of risk and reward. As someone who had not used a condom in over a decade until this year, I can definitely "notice the difference."
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