What effect, if any, do you feel poly has on the sex life you have?
I get a little more sex (with my girlfriend) and a little less sex (with my husband). It works out to a little less overall, but that's mostly because she and I haven't gotten past the awkward stage yet.
Is there a comparison? Do you or your partner(s) fear comparison?
I think some comparison is inevitable. It's harder for me to compare partners, because different genders, but I think Guy compares us. Not in a bad way of better/worse, but in a she likes this, she doesn't, she doesn't like that, she does kind of informational way. I do wonder how I stack up against Juliette's other partners though.
Does gender/orientation/kinkiness of current and prospective partners affect these feelings or fears around comparisons in any way?
I don't really have any fears of comparison where Guy is concerned. I know my strengths and weaknesses sexual-skills-wise; I'm pleased if she can do something better, cause that's better for him; there are somethings I do better. I do have some fears where Juliette is concerned; I'm not as experienced at topping or girl/girl as I am subbing and boy/girl. So I'm still learning, and hoping it's good enough for her.
Do you feel you have more or less sexual energy to go around when you have several people in your life you relate to sexually?
I seem to have approximately the same when we're comfy at home. Performing is what charges me up, and it's nice to be able to share that with multiple people.
Does this fluctuate?
My sex drive goes from nonexistent to "fuck me now!" on a non regular basis.
What, if anything, is especially challenging when it comes to the amount of sexual energy and time for sex you have?
It annoys me when I fall asleep when I meant to just get the baby to sleep and then go have sex. or scene. or something involving energy.
Is NRE a factor and if so, how does it influence your relationships?
In the past NRE has been a huge driver of NRE and hypersexuality. This time around I'm not apparently getting NRE. Might be hormonal. (Sex drive not back to normal yet, still breastfeeding.)
Do you think poly/nonmonogamy in general are good options for couples who don't have matching interests and/or desire levels?
Yes - not in a "you're not meeting my needs" accusatory way, but because it does help get needs met. Both Guy and Juliette have a way higher sex drive than me right now, especially with the baby. So it pleases and amuses me to hear about the 4 times a day they do it when I'm sleeping, or eating, or out with kids, or something.
What are the possible benefits/pitfalls you can see for having very different sex lives with different people?
Benefits include having variety. I like exploring my topping side with Juliette. It's different, and I never knew it could turn me on as much as it does, as I am primarily a sub.
What kind of boundaries do you feel need establishing around your sex life from the perspective of multiple people being involved?
Boundaries involve safe sex and no fluid bonding until certain situations occur, such as exclusivity and negative std tests and time.
How freaked out are you about STDs/pregnancies?
Not very, but pregnancy is especially important, and we've talked about it multiple times, what would happen just in case if.
How comfortable are you with your sexuality and has poly/nonmonogamy has any effect on that?
Very comfortable before; poly makes me slightly insecure, but on the whole that's a good thing, because I'm learning new things, and when I learn them, I'll be even more comfortable, because I'll have a new range in my repertoire.
Is there anything you would like to change about your sex life?
I would make my sex drive go up to pre-baby levels and include more time for longer, more intense, kinkier sex with both Guy and Juliette. But I'm expecting that will happen in a few years as baby gets older and we have more time to spend on it.