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Old 05-07-2012, 10:59 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is online now
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
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Well said, well said.

"I don't want to overstep my boundaries and I don't want it to seem like I have a vendetta to break them up, but I do have a genuine concern for Jay's well-being. He would never bring it up on his own, in fact any kind of emotional discussion whatsoever leads to Jay shutting down completely ..."
Whatever your level of involvement in the situation, it doesn't sound like Jay is ready to talk about his problems with Bob, not very much anyway. Therefore, I think you're probably kind of going to be left with letting Jay figure this out on his own, even though it will take a long (and indefinite amount of) time.

"... but he has said before that it's so difficult because Bob will bounce between extremes, being so loving and charming one minute and then doing a 180 to being highly critical and putting him down by telling him he isn't attractive and talking down to him."
Sounds like Bob has a bit of a bi-polar thing going, or borderline personality disorder, or a combination of things. He seems to be seeing things in all-black-or-white, and alternating between the two.

Anyway, I hope for the best for Jay, but I think my suggestion is to largely let him try to figure this one out; just let him know that you are there for him if/when he needs you, is the best support you can offer.
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
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