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Old 11-29-2009, 01:09 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
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Originally Posted by nyxangel View Post
I suppose the fantasy is we'll find a mythical creature who will share our bed on a casual basis with no strings attached so to speak.
A unicorn...? Do a search, there is lots on here about that...

Originally Posted by nyxangel View Post
So what's holding us back? Well, nothing on my partners side, but fear on my part. Fear that I may not be able to work through any jealousy I may experience and fear that I may end up feeling inadequate somehow. Fear that once we've tried it we might decide the poly lifestyle isn't for us, but our relationship has been irreparably damaged by the experience. Is the reward worth the risks involved? I keep on coming back to the old adage "if it ain't broke don't fix it".
Of course it's worth it. To me anything that gives me a deeper understanding of who I am and a deeper understanding of who I chose to share my love with is very worth it. It sounds like if it "ain't broke" then you are in a great place to move forward with Poly. It's people who come on here and have had it forced on them by their partner and now have to deal, or that are asking for poly relationships and their partners are weary that I worry. If you are both looking for more and find that what you have is not enough, then the time is right.

Originally Posted by nyxangel View Post
Don't get me wrong, I'm not a pessimist by any means! I just want to make sure I'm prepared for the challenges we may meet along the way. It would have been so much easier if we had made the decision 6 years ago whilst the relationship was still new. But now I'm torn. His happiness is incredibly important to me. Worst case scenario, if the relationship morphed into a twosome that didn't involve me for instance and it made him happy then I think I would be happy for him. But of course I'd rather that sort of situation didn't occur in the first place!

So how do you do it? How do you get past that fear of the unknown? How do you deal with any jealousy that may occur? How do you decide that the risk is worth the possible rewards? Of course we can only make those decisions for ourselves, but I would really appreciate hearing some of your thoughts and opinions.
The length of time you have been together, the fact that you seem like a strong couple that are in tune with each other indicates to me that you may be ready. Do lots of reading of others stories on here, look all over the net, ask questions when they come up, communicate, start thinking of boundaries and "rules" get used to the language, look at dating sights, seek out a poly group in your location and decide who you are looking for and then patiently wait until the universe provides. Be ready and it will come. Remember that we get what we ask for, so be very careful what you seek and be open to what comes along. I believe that people and circumstances happen for a reason, being open to seeing why things happen and why people come into my life is very important to my growth as a person. I suggest that it would be for you too.

good luck.
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