Thread: Please Help
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Old 05-07-2012, 07:21 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Upstate New York, USA
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So if I understand this right, you started out making marriage vows (i.e. promises) on a monogamous basis - there shall be no other, etc., etc.

Then you both agreed to modify your relationship to be non-monogamous in a sexual sense, but staying monogamous in an emotional sense. If you don't mind me asking, who was the first to come up with this idea?

You asked your husband whether he would be willing for you to be emotionally non-monogamous, and he absolutely said "no" because he couldn't share you.

And now you have fallen in love with someone - you have already had sex with the person as part of the swing thing, so there are intimate bonds there already.

This is a tough one, because the regular boundaries of intimacy are completely different here.

I would try to get into a dialogue about this "sharing" to try to find out what aspects of it bother him. See if you can, together, explore what the "show-stoppers" are.

How much of what you are you other guy have done does he know about? Are there important things (things that HE would regard as important) that you have kept from him about your relationship? If so, then that puts you on some rocky ground, in my opinion.

Since you have spoken about this, have you three continued to be sexual with one another? If so, then it might be a good idea to stop doing that while you get your feelings sorted out - if you are feeling this strong love for him, then I would think that sex with him only strengthens that.

In the end it may well be that he can't get beyond it, and then you have a choice between keeping your wedding vows, or breaking them....

"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb
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