Originally Posted by Vinccenzo
Its why I asked rather than accused. It just sounded much like the dynamic of my very religious family. Men do sex to women and women suffer it as a wifely duty and to have children.
Fig, I apologize if you felt accused. The lack of your wife's input, that BaB knows her feelings mostly second hand and the imbalance in expectations all fit the dysfunction of my own family back ground so I threw those questions out for consideration. If the lack of desire for sexual intimacy means someone is asexual then about 90% of the women in my family would be asexual. I'm doubting that's the case. I'm sorry if having someone question it bothers you. I was curious.
Vinccenzo: I totally see where you're coming from and how that type of background would generate those reasonable questions.
The asexuality in this situation really does color everything. It's not that it wasn't physically pleasing, it was many times an awesome experience and many Aces can and do very much enjoy the physical act itself.
It's just that there was no or minimal attraction or desire there. That meant that the action essentially became an obligation, a duty — one given out of a sense of love, affection and selflessness, to be sure, but a duty nonetheless.
There are a lot of mixed sexual/ace couples out there who have success — but there are also a lot where that twin track starts to breed resentment and at times outright hostility, particularly if the sexual partner has a high sex drive (I do.) or the Ace is repulsed by sex. (Thankfully not the case for my wife.)
This arrangement is still very much in the formative stage and we're all figuring out where the boundaries should be in everything from time to communication. If nothing else, I'll come out of this with a better understanding of the poly community and how it functions.