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Old 05-07-2012, 05:21 PM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Northern Cali
Posts: 552

No, I don't think you're wrong. From what you've written, I can't even see the mistakes you claim to have made. You told E you had a FWB. If he had a desire to know the identity of said FWB, he should have made that clear before pursuing a relationship with you. FWB said he didn't want to know, and hopefully he's learned that "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policies usually come back to bite one in the butt. None of that is your fault or within your control.

E sounds like the kind of person who always finds someone else to blame for his shortcomings. He seems to pay lip-service to the honesty and communication parts of polyamory, but when it comes down to it he isn't willing to do the necessary work. He sees it as not his fault because FWB wants to be exclusive with you, or because you didn't tell him who FWB was (I can see there being some awkwardness once they discovered they knew each other, but not this level of drama), or some other reason he concocts in his head. You can't control how he spins things in his own head, nor can you control the way he's blowing off meeting with you.

I'm so sorry you've found yourself in this position, and I totally understand if it puts you off opening yourself up to people for a while, but hopefully you won't give up entirely. (I think posting here was a GREAT step!) There are unfortunately a LOT of people out there unable to be in honest relationships, but there are a few good ones too! *hugs*

Edited to add: in the future, if you do try dating again, if someone says they're poly but keeps you away from their other partner(s), that's a red flag. It may be nothing, it may be innocent, but it should be recognized and discussed early on. And instead of (or in addition to) E talking to FWB without you, the THREE of you all talking together (if, you know, E would man up and show up) could have been beneficial, instead of playing, "He Said, She Said".
Pan Female, Hinge in a V between my mono (straight) husband, Monochrome and my poly (pan) partner, ThatGuyInBlack

Last edited by ThatGirlInGray; 05-07-2012 at 05:24 PM.
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