Bisexual erasure. It's haunting me.
I struggle with myself constantly. I feel marginalized everywhere I go and I don't know if it's because of how society works or if it's because I haven't truly embraced myself yet.
I don't feel at home in the LGBT community. The 'B' always feels so ignored and often judged that I tend to avoid it. As a woman married to a man, I've never really felt like I've been included in the sense of community. Sure, the groups and individuals I've talked to have always said "welcome!" and have appreciated my support, but in reality no one really related to me. I was too "normal."
I am also struggling to fit into the local poly community. Not because of the identification as poly, but because of the other interests/outlooks that many of the local poly people have. Gaming, Paganism, Art, Writing - all themes that are very prevalent in the interests of a majority of the polyamorists. I share none of these interests, really. I have no artistic/creative ability, I have no interest in the more serious "geeky" games (I'm a Boggle, Cranium, Sequence player - that's about it on games), and I still identify as "Christian" although my definition of such has drastically altered in the recent years.
I don't fit in with swingers very well anymore because I am not adamant about keeping sex and emotions separate. Non-open groups/people would think I'm crazy or going to hell or something if they knew half of what I do.
I know I'm bi. I believe in polyamory, whether or not it's my natural inclination or something that I've accepted intellectually and the emotions have followed is something I question. I lack passion for any specific pastime or hobby. I think I will always struggle relating to groups of people until I find something over which we can bond.