Thanks for your reply Snowdancer.. I think..
"If your GF is truly Poly, you will not make her happy by forcing her to be in a monogamous relationship"
To that I would say, if my girlfriend is truly Poly why did she wait until 4 years into a relationship to raise the issue. A bit misleading don't you think? I'm not sure she is truly poly.
Also, noone is forcing anyone. So please don't bring emotive words like that into the equation. It just makes you sounds like a Poly-Fascist.
"Forcing a non-monogamous person to lead a monogamous lifestyle is incredibly insensitive and selfish"
There you go again. I think I've demonstrated throughout my post that I am not insensitive and selfish. However you obviously know me better than I know myself, and are best placed for this sweeping judgement.
" It is like putting a salt water fish in fresh water."
Not really, they die instantly.
"It is not an elephant, it is who she is"
"Elephant in the room" Is a commonly used expression which means a significant subject which is being ignored, that people are continuing as though it doesn't exist.
"If she felt like she had to find what she needs elsewhere, that is not her fault."
She didn't HAVE to do find what she needs elsewhere. She chose to, and has since stated that it is the single worst mistake/choice of her life. Also, I have acknowledged that I had neglected her in many ways, both emotionally and physically, so , alas, this is no breakthrough you're onto here..
" If you truly loved your partner, you would do what is best for her or let her go"
I'm trying to do what's best for me, her, and us, whether that's together or apart. Have you read all of this thread or are you just latching onto certain parts you feel you can launch your catch-all judgements at?
" Love is when you help your partner be who they are and become who they want to be"
Thanks. Love is many things, and differtent things to everyone. However I'll run my life by your code from now on, since it's pretty simplistic and therefore easy to understand, even for an emotionally stunted, neanderthal, unenlightened soul like me.
" Are you willing to do that?"
Again, read the full thread. I think it's clear I am prepared to lose this woman if it becomes clear we have different attitudes to very important aspects of relationships, although patently it is not my preference.
"Remember, you can be in love with someone who is not your best choice as a life partner"
Thanks, I'll try not to forget that nugget of wisdom, as that's a thought that has never occured to me, in 39 years. Amazing.
Whilst all opinions, suggestions, and angles of approach are fully appreciated, some seem to hit the nail much more than others.