Viccenzo: Isn't there a possibility that everything I've said is accurate? That you can take my words as they're presented? That she's asexual. That there's no hidden — intentional or otherwise — agenda at play. That we're three people trying to muddle along as best we can in a new and entirely unfamiliar world?
The wife's response when reading your post?
*groan* ... Oh look, someone else who feels the need to read imaginary stuff between the lines.
One of the worst parts for her of discovering and dealing with her asexuality is the social view that she's somehow wrong. That she just hasn't met the right guy. That she had some deep-seated trauma that made her this way. The guy that she slept with has tried to make the argument that "He knows she wants it because she's a woman" and there's always some jerk out there who thinks he can plow into a woman hard enough to "fix her."
I love my wife deeply. We've spent more than a decade together and we were each other's first — and on our wedding night no less. I hope that shines a brighter light on where we're both coming from as people, why we have viewed sex the way we have and the need for other experiences to eliminate any ambiguous variables.
It was hard, reading your post, not to take it as a cross between dime store analysis and a conspiracy theory that paints both myself and my wife in a quite unflattering light.
I don't mind critical analysis — I'm INTJ, I dig it — but I would also hope in the future that some weight could be given to the words of the people who come here looking for help, support and answers.
BlackUnicorn: I kind of want to give you a hug. AVEN has been a safe haven for both of us since we discovered it last year. We're both on the forums and active. I thank you very, very much for your post. Aces should have the right to be who they are without being judged by a normative standard — something that I would think would be second nature coming from a community of people who don't exactly subscribe to the normative standard themselves.