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Old 05-05-2012, 09:56 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 8,959

Re (from polyburned, Post #9):
"Once I have a chance to heal and get over this, I'll decide if a friendship with Jay is one worth having. With his boyfriend having banned him from seeing me, I wouldn't want to make his life harder."
Good point; you and Jay are both in something of a pickle. Which would be harder on Jay? to lose contact with you, or to "violate Bob's orders" and get in trouble? Well who knows, that's something of an unsolveable riddle.

"It pains me so much to think that there is nothing stopping Bob from continuing this destructive path, and using others like he used me. I don't believe he is truly polyamorous, unless polyamory implies using people as a means to an end."
Well, it sounds like Bob doesn't mind *Bob* having multiple partners, but Bob wants his partner/s to be monogamous (only being involved with Bob).

"This has been such an emotional roller coaster. I'm curious as to how common this is in a triad type relationship, I wonder if it can work, if it can be successful."
I think it can. There just needs to be realistic flexibility, generous communication, and honest intentions on the part of each person in the relationship.

"But I'm beginning to wonder that about any type of relationship, mono included. The idea of a life partner is starting to seem like a fantasy."
Don't give up all hope. Life partnering (the fulfilling, healthy kind) can be a reality. I can testify that to you from my own experience. And I know of many other life partners who are happy together (though I also know of others who aren't).

Re (from polyburned, Post #11):
"When it comes to Jay it's just so incredibly frustrating. I just can't understand why he would stay with someone who treats him so poorly. I don't think he will be going anywhere any time soon, he is just terrified of having 'wasted five years.'"
How sadly ironic ... On the basis of those five years, Jay will continue pouring more years down the drain ...

Anyway, I'm glad you're feeling marginally better.
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
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