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Old 05-05-2012, 07:28 PM
km34 km34 is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2011
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Quote:
Originally Posted by polypenguin View Post
so this is where the title comes into place, for better or for worse, I have to swallow my pride right now, and I hate the inequallity that this has created for me. On one hand, I think I asked for it, but on the other, I still feel hurt. I don't feel like she ever will be ok with me dating/sleeping with other people, as there has been no progression in that direction for months.

This is what really struck out to me. My thoughts:

1 - You should NOT have told her you are okay with her being with others when you weren't 100% okay with that. It seems you only did it as an "if I let her do x, she'll let me do y" mentality and that very rarely works. Or if it does, it usually breeds discontent and a sense of being manipulated.

2 - When you agreed (or suggested) to keep your relationship open for her but closed for you, did you do it with the understanding that she would be working towards being comfortable with you being available to others as well? If so, this would kind of negate point #1, and would then give basis for you re-broaching the topic to make sure she is not just having her cake and eating it too but is also working on herself.

3 - As an expansion to point 2, you shouldn't hide these feelings from her. Have you been or have you two been talking about it? Has she shown any effort on working on her stuff or does it seem like she got what she wanted and is done working towards what you want? Progress can be hard to see when it is taken in tiny little steps. Is it possible that she IS working on things still and somewhat making progress and that it is just taking longer than you expected/wanted?

4 - I still think you need to talk to her about this imbalance you're feeling. Resenting her freedom is doing your relationship no favors. At all. Sure, you initiated this situation, but for a relationship to work long-term boundaries and emotions and goals and thoughts and everything have to be re-examined and re-discussed from time to time. Maybe it's time to do that so that you both get on the same page (either you okay with the way things are, her more actively working on her unresolved issues of you being with others, or completely closed or some other variation in between). Do remember, though, that she felt like her trust in you was betrayed during some stressful, crazy situations. She may still be processing, but, especially if you haven't done so lately, checking in about it is never a bad idea.

Anyway, I think it's fair to be upset. I think it's great that you're being patient and respecting her boundaries. BUT compromising your own happiness for hers isn't a solution. Get it out somehow whether it be attacking the problem head on or finding some way (like this blog ) to vent it out. Do what you need to do, in a respectful manner, to make sure the relationship is working for BOTH of you!

Last edited by km34; 05-05-2012 at 07:30 PM.
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