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Old 05-05-2012, 10:14 AM
mobetterblues mobetterblues is offline
Join Date: May 2012
Location: London, UK
Posts: 18

Thanks for the words people.

NYCindie - thanks for the reading tips. I've had a look at a summary of the book you mention and already find relevance, I think you are correct in that the language of individual's love can differ greatly. I'm going to look into this in more detail, as there are most definitely areas (and not that difficult to identify) where we haven't been 'servicing' each other's emotional and physical requirements, neglecting those things that make us both feel loved and satisfied.

Idealist - I appreciate that airing my problems on this site will inevitably lead to poly advocates urging me to open my mind on this subject, and it's something I was prepared for. I have considered my position long and hard and am certainly not a person who's rigid in my approach to life, and relationships. As per my original post, we talked a while back about introducing a 3rd person into our sex life, and have discussed recently how far I would be prepared to go on this. Conclusion - I would consider swinging, but no more than this. I definitely wouldn't be comfortable with my partner dating / having sex with others without my involvement, and I can say with some assurance that this will continue to be the case. I'm young at 39 (thanks!) , but old enough to know myself and what my reaction would be to certain situations. I can certainly see, from browsing this site that polyamory really works for some people, whether they feel it is part of their genetic make-up, or whether it is a lifestyle choice for them. I want my gf to be happy, but as with any balanced relationship, this shouldn't come at the expense of the other's unhappiness. I don't feel like I'm clinging to monogamy, it's just what I want from life, and don't feel I should ever be pressured to go down a different route. As with someone who chooses to hit the gym rather than lunch out on the sofa eating KFC, or someone who prefers to ski rather than go on sunny holidays, or a veggie who doesn't eat meat, or someone who doesn't want kids and prefers dogs - I wouldn't expect any of these people to be pressured into skiing, eating meat, having kids etc, so see this issue no differently. I'm aware, more than ever, that alternative lifestyles exist. I want to impress that I haven't got a 'traditionalist' approach to life, in any aspect of my life, so I'm not choosing the path that society deems acceptable - just the one that suits me best and that I'm most comfortable with.

I feel that SNeacail nails the issue, when commenting that now is probably the wrong time to explore poly issues, and that we should fix what's broken. My original point was that I feel these issues are intertwined, linked in essence. I guess the roadmap should be - do we want to be together? And from there we find a way to make things work. Counselling and a greater appreciation of each other's 'love languages' will no doubt help. We both have decisions to make. There will be sacrifices and concessions on both sides, as with any relationship.
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