Good to get to know you a bit through your blog (and I say a bit, because cyberspace and reality are two different worlds, entirely). I think that there is a great deal of wisdom in taking uncertain feelings to a private forum. Whether it be a password protected blog on blogspot.com or a diary that you hide in your oven door, I think it's important to have a place to squirrel away your private thoughts. That being said, what about starting a journal that's the opposite of you inclinations? I do this when I'm feeling like I need invisible inspiration. I write my intentions down, my wildest desires, the things that I'm avoiding/panicking/worrying about as though they were fact.
For example.... "I can't believe how relieved I am to be relaxing into my SO's love. With all of this worry and difficulty behind me, it feels so amazing to just be able to see his good intentions for what they are."
Something about your soul just strikes a chord in me - beauty. You are gentle and giving, and it shows.
Trying something new is never a bad thing, especially when we are only in our own camp, doing what we need on our own end to change our own lives. Props to you.