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Old 05-04-2012, 11:38 PM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,749

Originally Posted by opalescent View Post
Also, are you sure she loves you less intensely than you love her? She may show love in ways you don't recognize.
I was thinking this myself as I read your post. I am not a very "mushy" person, even during NRE I tend to express my infatuation by just wanting to be around someone (and feeling anxious when I am not). It took me a year to tell Dude that I love him (took me 18 mos with MrS, I'm getting faster ). Now that my NRE has (thankfully) worn off I am back to my usual self - which can seem very "matter-of-fact", hyper-rational, and unemotional. It doesn't mean I don't love my loves - it means that I am comfortable and stable enough in our relationships that I can relax and enjoy them without getting myself all worked up (and anxious/unhappy).

Another factor for me - I need about an hour to "transition" when I come home from work (also when I wake up in the morning) - I don't want to talk or hug or cuddle even though I haven't seen them all day. Dude had to learn not to crowd me during these times (MrS clued him in - I didn't recognize the pattern right away) but I know he felt "rejected" when I didn't seem as excited to see him as he was to see me. (Even though in my mind I had just rushed home in a tizzy to be with them sooner...)

This might be one of those "love languages" type situations - if you are looking for "words of affirmation" and "physical affection" and she is giving you "acts of service" and "quality time" - you might be expressing yourselves in ways the other person doesn't respond to.

Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
I am curious about the fact that you brought up this issue with her SO. How did you broach the topic? Was it like you were complaining or asking her SO for help or support? I am just wondering why you would involve her other partner on this. Are you romantically involved with her SO also?
nycindie - I didn't read that as that he had brought it up with her Significant Other. I think the capitalization was for it as "I have brought it up with her soooooooo many times."

PS. ETA - I agree with the counseling suggestion. It may be that you are finding yourself in a cycle of anxiety because you feel that something you desparately want is slipping away, which make you hyper-aware of anything that re-enforces that in your mind. This may not require medication but a shift in perspective that a good therapist could help you unravel.
Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (24+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (5+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic girlfriend and BFF
Lotus: "it's complicated"
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.

My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe

Last edited by JaneQSmythe; 05-04-2012 at 11:46 PM.
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