Thank you so much for ur reply, niceinjeans, you have no idea how much it means to me that u took the time to read that. It was cathartic in a way just for me to write that and share it with anyone, I havent had anyone I can really confide in. It does seem that making a clean break is best, as much as I want to have jay in my life in some capacity. It just pains me that by me disappearing from their lives, its just so much easier for them, while I may carry a burden from the time I spent with them forever.
My biggest concern at this point is actually the next person that they meet. I fear that bob plans to just keep doing this to people, when I asked him his std history he lied to my face, and it was only by accident that I found out his HIV status through jay who thought that I had been informed. It pains me so much to think about someone else going through what I have. I wish there was something I could do to warn other people. I know that I will never be as trusting again.
In regard to my own sex life, trust me it will be nonexistent for a while until I know what my status is and even then, I wouldn't even kiss someone without letting them know my status if I end up being positive. I would never take that choice away from someone.
Jay has told me he is still willing to be my friend, despite bob banning him from seeing me, but maybe ur right that it's just not worth it. I know one thing for sure, I need space from them. Again i really appreciate u taking the time to respond to me niceinjeans, if anyone has anything else to add I will check back here periodically. This support means so much to me right now.