I'm sorry you are in so much pain. These statements of yours stood out to me:
Originally Posted by BrandonWin
Have you ever been madly, deeply in love with someone, and they say they love you back but it is clear they just aren't as excited to see you or hear from you as you are to see them? Or as much as they are their about their other lovers?
I know that I should accept her statement of love for me at face value, but she hardly communicates with me at all about how she feels, and I have brought it up with her SO many times that I feel guilty as hell bringing it up anymore. I'm hurting bad inside. I walk around thinking about how I wish she loved me all the time, day and night.
I am curious about the fact that you brought up this issue with her SO. How did you broach the topic? Was it like you were complaining or asking her SO for help or support? I am just wondering why you would involve her other partner on this.
Are you romantically involved with her SO also?
So, am I correct in understanding that she has said she loves you, but you believe it isn't enough? How are you quantifying love? What is the evidence that supports your idea that she loves you less than you love her, or gets more excited about her other lovers than she is for you? It sounds like a bit of insecurity on your part, or wanting things to be a certain way rather than accepting and being happy with what is.
Regarding the communication issues you have with her, you say she hardly talks about her feelings. Yet she has told you she loves you, correct? Is this just a difference in style of expressing yourselves? Perhaps that is why you feel she doesn't match your feelings for her - you may need a more demonstrative style and she can't do that. When a lover-friend of mine has very different in ways of expressing deeper feelings than I do, it takes some getting used to on my part. Perhaps it is this difference in communication styles that might seem to magnify the ideas you have about how much she loves you.