I think that they're aboth amenable to this idea. I know that Elemental is, and I know that Sync feels super in love and madly wrapped up in her sexual attraction to him. Problem is, she's expressing the same thing for me, and wanting time with just me as well.
I've been mulling over having a secondary partner of my own, and when I have these thoughts, it's not with Sync. Don't misunderstand me - I seriously love this woman, and enjoy having her in my life. But I enjoy having her in my life in the context of a triad, with Elemental's energy in the mix. If I were dating a woman on my own, she would not be my first choice. I feel like an asshole for saying this, but it's true - I like being with her WITH Elemental, but no more than a couple times a week, really. If I were to go into the city on my own, I'd be more inclined to spend time with my girlfriends than I would be to take her out for dinner/movie/sex on my own. And if I were to pursue a girlfriend of my own, I'd be much more drawn to super girlie-girls. I have two women that I have a serious crush on right now and they're both super feminine, into physical fitness and wellbeing and are really vivacious and outgoing. These are the kinds of women that I'm naturally attracted to, and would want to pursue independent relationships with.
Add to this though, the fact that I'm not really looking to have another one-on-one relationship with anyone, and you have a nice stew of confusion. I feel really satisfied with my connect with Elemental, and don't have a strong desire to have another partner in my life. I've half-heartedly pursued a couple of people, but once I'm on a date with them am just asking myself the question, "What are you doing?" I only have so much time/energy for relationships, and don't really feel the need to "add another one to the mix" right now. I would be satisfied/saturated at around 2-3 nights a week with Sync, MAX - I wouldn't want to have another date night/two date nights to contend with on top of that.
And so how the fuck would this imaginary future work, exactly? Elemental and Sarah having, say, one date night a week? The three of us having one/two date nights a week? The rest being nights off? And so then, I suppose I'd be making a concession/sacrifice by a) taking off for a night so they could have a date night at home b) having Elemental and her meet up out of town somewhere else c) working on my issues with being in the next room (which I don't really feel is healthy, to be honest). But what is the return? Sure, I could feel compersion and happiness that they're getting that time together - but what am *I* getting out of that? Since I wouldn't be pursuing my own relationship, nor would I be having my own night with Sync, I would just be giving away time/space for..... being a good partner? I mean, yes, sure, that's enough - Elemental and I do that with our friends all of the time. He'll go into the city to visit friends and I'll hang at home, or I'll go out for dinner/movie with a friend and he'll look after the place.
I guess I have to find what would make me feel really happy during that time. I am pretty damn happy in my life - I have a lot of interests and a solid circle of really great friends, and a huge circle of acquaintances. It's not like I'd be sitting at home moping over them being out, I guess it's just not something that I had considered previously, and now am giving more thought to.
I also don't know how Sync's going to respond to the fact that I can't see myself pursuing her independently. I'm sure this isn't uncommon in triad to dyad situations, but I really don't want to hurt her. Since our communication has deepened, she's been expressing a LOT of sexual desire and love for me. This is new - she was previously very reserved with me, and very demonstrative with Elemental. There was a time when I was quite starry eyed for her, but early 2012 kind of knocked some sense back into me, and from a compatibility perspective, we don't really have what it takes. Hot threesome fun and our group dynamic are lovely, but the big pull is definitely between Elemental and her IMHO. I mean, I'm sure there will be weekends where she's here, and Elemental is up working on our cabin where we hang out together, but she's gotten weirded out when I just kind of do my own thing before. I can't be "on" with someone all the time.... I'm an INTJ - people kind of wear me out, but I've become really adept at being "on" when I'm in social situations and have a great time doing so, as long as I have that polar opposite down time by myself. I become a pretty irritable person without that time to myself, and then it starts to erode my relationships/happiness with others. Spend 2 hours by myself, and I'm good to go. I know, I'm a weirdo.
So I guess I'll give it some more thought. My instincts are to send Elemental off to see her without me, and see how that feels/what becomes of that. I *think* that I'd be a-okay with it, as he and I are in a WAY more secure place, and a place of intense understanding after such a horrible start to the year. I am SO impressed with his evolution and attitude about the whole thing.
I talked to him about my concerns, and he seemed to really understand where I was coming from after some back and forth and good reflective listening on his part. We'll see what unfolds..... I suppose!