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Old 05-04-2012, 04:34 PM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Northern Cali
Posts: 552

Originally Posted by blytheandbonny View Post
I do not imagine having other relationships. I want this one relationship exclusively.
That's perfectly normal. Several people here are mono themselves but part of a poly relationship.

I wish I wasn't sensitive to social pressure/norms as far as the outside world is concerned. But I am. I need for my relationship with him to be something I'm open about to my peer group and family, and if they stayed married that would be very awkward. Also, given his career, I don't think it would be feasible for him to have an extra love openly. Yeah, the more I think about it, the less chance of success for our relationship there is should they remain married.
This struck a chord with me. I completely understand wanting to be able to be open and honest about your relationship. It's very hard sometimes for TGIB and I to hide our relationship (from certain family members and in the workplace), and we both wish at times we didn't need to. I wonder, if for some reason they did decide to stay married, could it be presented as, "They're still good friends and for financial and other reasons decided to not get divorced, but no longer have a traditional marriage. She's aware of his relationship with me and is fine with it." Reasonable explanation AND true! The rest of it is no one's business.

I would need an annoying amount of assurances that my side of the V was still intact and unaffected. Beyond that, I have no idea.

I do think that there will be nights they choose to spend the night together over at her place. Not sure it's any of my business what they choose to do or not do on those nights. Not sure that not knowing what they choose to do or not do won't make me crazy though. I suspect it will just have to be a trial and error situation. I'd hate to think that either of them worrying about my feelings would dampen anything between them though.
Totally know what you're talking about here! In the past two months my V has gone through the first time I've slept with someone besides my husband (yes, TGIB waited a LONG time!) as well as the first time TGIB has slept with someone else while in a relationship with me. Figuring out how much information is the "right" amount between each couple is a tough path to navigate. Luckily we're all fairly laid back, and ultimately discovered that MC (hubby) doesn't need or even want to know details, but he's fine with hearing about it if I need or want to talk about my physical relationship with TGIB, while for myself I don't need to hear details from TGIB about his other experiences but I like and enjoy hearing about them if he wants to share. The three of us have reached an understanding that it's okay to ask if you're curious about something, but, "Well, I'm not really comfortable telling you about that" is an acceptable response and not meant to leave anyone out or hurt anyone's feelings. Sometimes it's just not possible to know where the limits are until you reach them, so there's nothing wrong with asking as long as you're comfortable with not being able to dictate the answer.
They deserve to treasure what they have between them without outside influence.
This is why I think you'll be fine. Though this may be new, unusual, and a surprise to you, your attitude already seems extremely mature and emotionally stable. You'll likely be able to handle any bumps you run into, as you seem to have done so far!
Pan Female, Hinge in a V between my mono (straight) husband, Monochrome and my poly (pan) partner, ThatGuyInBlack
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