It took me three years to get to a place with my bf where I feel safe to date without damaging what he and I have. He didn't make me, I chose it so we could find a way to work it out. We made huge compromises to be together and were never comfortable. Eventually we got used to it.
For him it was sexual connection that he struggled with, not emotional. Finding emotional connections and not being able to be close without sex was hard. I can imagine the other way around; sexual connections okay, emotional being a struggle. I think I would have to abandon swinging if I were in your shoes. I can't have sex without connection.
It sounds to me like finding the line where being uncomfortable and extreme discomfort lies and creating boundaries and compromises around that is the way to go. This is what worked for us. And then I waited. And waited. I told him every time I felt sad, resentful, in pain over the situation and why and eventually it changed.
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