Originally Posted by BlackUnicorn
Hello and welcome! I personally don't mind reading long posts if they are as well articulated and thought of as yours is.
Do you have a specific thing you'd like to ask? From a quick read, it seems you are just rewording how you feel. I don't mean to belittle anything when I use "just" -it's a huge accomplishment to become so self-aware as you are now.
Couple of questions:
1) Have you talked with your metamour, or is all of your knowledge of the situation second-hand?
2) Do you have or imagine having any other relationships? How about your bf? How about your metamour?
3) How would you feel if they called off the divorce and staid married? How would you feel if they resumed an occasionally-sexual relationship, instead of just keeping it as a possibility?
Yeah, I guess this was mostly an essay and an exercise in self-articulation - though I am in fact very eager to leverage the lessons that those who have come before me have learned. Hoping for tips and suggestions for carefully and thoughtfully entering into a type of relationship with which I have no experience.
I have not talked to her directly - we've only seen each other once for about 90 seconds. Until yesterday, this was all filtered through him...but now, we've both posted things on the Internet in our own words, so there's that. She's on a different forum.
I do not imagine having other relationships. I want this one relationship exclusively.
Wow, I don't know about how I would handle if they called off the divorce and stayed married. I wish I wasn't sensitive to social pressure/norms as far as the outside world is concerned. But I am. I need for my relationship with him to be something I'm open about to my peer group and family, and if they stayed married that would be very awkward. Also, given his career, I don't think it would be feasible for him to have an extra love openly. Yeah, the more I think about it, the less chance of success for our relationship there is should they remain married.
As for how I would feel if the dynamic became occasional v. a possibility...hm. I would like to think that everyone would tread carefully and that we could work out parameters around that. I would need an annoying amount of assurances that my side of the V was still intact and unaffected. Beyond that, I have no idea.
I do think that there will be nights they choose to spend the night together over at her place. Not sure it's any of my business what they choose to do or not do on those nights. Not sure that not knowing what they choose to do or not do won't make me crazy though. I suspect it will just have to be a trial and error situation. I'd hate to think that either of them worrying about my feelings would dampen anything between them though. They deserve to treasure what they have between them without outside influence.