thanks for this. Yes, she is looking for a counsellor to address this, and other issues she says has brought her to this point. We have both taken responsibility for the fact that our relationship soured to the point where one of us cheated on the other. She has repeatedly said since, that it is the single worst mistake of her life, and she cannot believe that she would do it to me, of all people, knowing that it would hurt me. She is genuine here, and I have no doubts she regrets her actions so much.
I have never delved into the nitty gritty of exactly what happened, on the 2 occasions she met the other guy, but I think I know it went further than she initially confessed to, and I have just left it that I think it went further than that, and we have kind of left that subject there. Trust has been tainted, but I think I can forgive and move on. The big question for me is whether we move on together, or apart. My gut swings one way one day, and the other the next (literally some days!). Most importantly, I want to make sure, if we stay together, that we know where each other stands, and her ongoing Q mark about her / polyamory is getting to be the elephant in the room. She doesn't think now is the time to concentrate on this, I think we need to know where we stand if we are to go forward together. Very confusing for both of us. Sorry to air my / our confusion on this site, but seems as good a place as any, considering our issues..