Heartsick, need gentle advice
Several folks suggested that I do my best to get over my reluctance to post, and go ahead and let people know what is going on with me, so here goes.
Have you ever been madly, deeply in love with someone, and they say they love you back but it is clear they just aren't as excited to see you or hear from you as you are to see them? Or as much as they are their about their other lovers?
I know that I should accept her statement of love for me at face value, but she hardly communicates with me at all about how she feels, and I have brought it up with her SO many times that I feel guilty as hell bringing it up anymore. I'm hurting bad inside. I walk around thinking about how I wish she loved me all the time, day and night.
The ridiculous thing is, I have so much to be grateful for in my life. I have other lovers, old and new, with whom things are progressing nice and comfortably as they should. But I am obsessed with this woman. I feel like the longer I know her, my NRE is increasing, and mind you it has been years. Her NRE for me has waned in a very normal way, and she has NRE now for other lovers she has met since we've been together. Meanwhile, I feel more strongly for her with every passing week. I chastise myself constantly for being so fixated on the negative in my life while the positive things are going so well. I am my own worst critic.
I believe that I should be more independent. I know that it's just life - sometimes someone breaks your heart - but this isn't even a case of me loving her and her not loving me back. It's a case of her not loving me back as much as I love her, and it may seem like such a little thing, but it is eating me up inside. I'm hardly sleeping at all, and my stomach has been in knots for months. I'm seriously considering going to a psychologist to ask for some antidepressants.
My question is, how do you pull back emotionally? How do you take your love for someone from a strong 11 down to a nice normal 8? I need this for my sanity and my health. I have never felt this way before and I feel like it is killing me.
thanks for whatever help you have. - bw