Originally Posted by RainyGrlJenny
I don't know if this is what you're looking for, and is probably a lot of disjointed rambling. Sorry if I missed the mark!
I don't know if you can miss the mark if there was no preset mark in the first place
. Thank you both, I've enjoyed reading very different perspectives.
I guess I could summarize my own situation; atm I have no sexual relationships, since we no longer connect in that way with my live-in partner, and my other love muffins live too far away. My partner and I have been together for a year and lived together since July. We became engaged a little over a month ago.
I feel that nonmonogamy suited us better in purely sexual sense. With poly and NRE hitting in, we get our needs met elsewhere. While we have been open the whole time, our sexual connection remained strong and fulfilling till very recently. My partner at the moment gets her sexual and kink needs met via porn and her new OSO. I don't have pressing needs that I couldn't take care of myself once in a week or two when I remember and have the energy.
Initially I was very worried for comparison with dominant men, especially (I'm a reasonably vanilla woman), something I think was fuelled by the fact that we met with my current partner through her ex-dom. I felt occasionally like I needed to step-up and be more dominant and imaginative and more into BDSM play to be able to compete and keep her interested. Not to say I didn't find it fun and seductive, but there was no pressing need for hours upon hours of kinky play on my side.
Now I think her having other venues to get her needs met has taken a lot of pressure off our relationship. We get to cuddle and have fun sweet times, and I don't feel like she's not getting what she needs from me or that I am tying her down (no puns, folks). I miss our sexual connection because it has been the most satisfying sex I've had, but she doesn't take up on my initiatives and I don't know what else to do. She wishes I'd make more time for our sex life but I feel I cannot really compete with porn and her bf who isn't working or studying either, time-wise. I don't mind having tired groping but she needs to really get in the mood with me and not feel rushed in any way, so we are in bit of a dead end right now.
STDs have always been more worrisome to our other and prospective other partners. I've gotten accidentally pregnant twice and contemplated going on more effective birth control but feel that the cons outweigh the pros atm.