They're getting divorced b/c he very much wants sex and she very rarely does, as she considers herself asexual. It's taken hours of explaining it to me for me to really get it. She really, really, really doesn't desire sex and feels horrible that she cannot offer him what she doesn't feel when it's something that's an absolute must for him. And he feels horrible for putting her in this position. They value their relationship very highly and felt that if they stayed on this path, the relationship would inevitably and irrevocably erode.
They were sort of separated when he and I started seeing each other. They have separate dwellings. The impending divorce had been openly announced for months before I showed up on the scene. Definitely not any kind of threesome/swinger scenario here.
I don't know what he's demanded of her regarding me.
They apparently had a conversation today about what the lines are between them physically now. Seems pretty tame to me at this point.
I very much like this idea that there can be goals - that it doesn't all have to be instant right now. My gut tells me I can handle this with grace but that it will be a process over time.
Unlearning assumptions is certainly an interesting thing.