Hi, my name is Krysten and I am in a hard situation; I would appreciate any & all constructive advice :-)
I have been happily married to my husband "Peter" for over 3 years. Just about everyone who knows us say we are as close to a perfect couple as you can get & they love being around us because we are always positive, happy & fun. In the last couple years we have been swingers, mainly w/ good friends, & it has been wonderful. I have brought up the idea of polyamory a few different times over those couple of years after I read an article on it. We discussed it & his opnion was he wouldn't want to share me like that. For a long time I thought perhaps I wouldn't be able to share him either, but I have most definatly changed my thoughts on that.
His best friend's wife left him last July & since then "Alan" has spent ALOT of time w/ us, we have all grown very close. There have been 2 occasions of including Alan in our swinging, as a threesome, so there hasn't been like alot of sex w/ us all.
Very recently Alan & I have realized we love each other, that it's gone beyond the best friend love. We text every day about everything under the sun, sex, women, men, life, just everything! I have always been open w/ Peter, asking if it bothered him, just in case, it's his best friend after all. Peter has always said he is comfortable with how things were going. He did have to lay down some boundries for when we went out dancing etc but everything was perfect. Except I knew I loved Alan & I loved Peter too of course, so what do I do??
I had a very difficult conversation with Peter last night, proposing the polyamory lifestyle, explaining I do NOT love him any less (if anything I love him more), it is NOT because he isn't enough, I can't imagine my life with out him... but now I also love Alan & would like to be able to be honest about it, I can't lie to Peter, never have been able to, and I don't want to. I tried explaining this isn't the first time I have formed more then one "love" bond or connection w/ people, but I never knew there was a word for that except SLUT, I always thought I was broken... Now I know I'm not broken & there is a community of people who live like this, with open hearts & honest love.
He is not willing to even explore this idea w/ me - at all. I told him from the beginning I hvae made a vow to him & am committed to him & this wouldn't be MY decisiion but rather OURS... I asked for a little understanding & to at least talk to others that have been in his or our place, maybe understand it better, not nessesarily agree w/ it but at least try & understand me better as a person.. Nope.
So now I'm so scared!!! I love Peter w/ every fiber of my being & don't want to lose him... I want to give my marriage by best shot & see if things work for obvious reasons & all the right reasons, but what if we do get past this & work though it together only for me to love someone else down the road?? I explained it doesn't feel wrong to me to love more then one person, if all parties are aware. But he just can't share me, I am his he says... I can't hold that against him ... but I feel like curling up in a ball right now crying, I feel like I broke the best thing that happened to me because I love another as well & was honest about it...
I need some direction ... Peter truely is an understanding & forgiving man