I know it sounds odd, swingers having affairs!?
I believe it was because till then anything we had done was together; we planned and were involved together. While I think we tended to always have an emotional connection with our partners, probably not to the extent Poly may allow. And for us, that was the definition of unfaithful. Not the physical act of sex, but the emotional act of caring for another person. Then up pops Poly!
What Iím learning about Polyamory is there are also a thousand parking spots to pull your particular relationship paradigms into.
I think something that helped us, was a sex therapist we found on line after quite a bit of research and visiting 3 or 4 locally.. She works out of Atlanta and works with about 20% of her clients over the phone. For us, this worked because we could coordinate a time ( 8pm ) that was easier for us. It wasnít face to face, and I must say, she's quite easy to talk to. Maybe phone therapy might help. I havenít talked to her in about a year. I probably need to. It helps for me.
During our ups and downs, we did try to continue to be intimate. For us, or myself, I suppose, thatís paramount. It didnít always need to be the gratuitous 12 minutes of intercourse, but touching, stroking her hair, rubbing her feet. Having our energy connect is so important to me, and I believe her