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Old 05-02-2012, 04:40 AM
smokymtngirl85 smokymtngirl85 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
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Reading through your post & your response, you sound like me. . .7 years ago. My husband was never controlling over things like time & money was he was demanding that i be monogamous. We got married with me going from being openly poly to monogamous and worried i couldn't do mono in the end. But i loved him more than anything and I was determined to try for him.

I also grew up in strict religious upbringing. I to at one point openly came out as bisexual which eventually took me back to being poly. It was a VERY long and hard process that was FULL of mistakes. It was even harder on my husband because it meant changing or leaving me. I don't believe in divorce especially when kids are involved partially because of my background but partially because i believe when you really love someone you find a way and my husband also believes the same.

I'm not gonna say there are right vs wrong decisions.
There are simply the decisions that work for you & your husband.

What I will say is that even when it hurts the most, honesty is always the best policy because even when you doubt yourself and your decisions if you've been honest you will at least feel good about that no matter which path you head down.

Cheating should never be an option. Be upfront with your husband and say this is what i need and this is what i would like to do. And work through it, communication is vital ESPECIALLY in a poly relationship. If you love each other and are committed you can work to find a middle ground you both are happy with.

Perhaps the insecure one is not you, questioning life doesn't mean you are insecure it just means you are trying to find yourself and there is nothing wrong with that. Mistakes along the way just come with the territory. It sounds to me that he's the one feeling insecure and threatened. Its a hard transition to go through and it means changing your whole mindset to realize that just because your partner wants to be with another person it or does not mean you are any less important or loved or wanted or needed. But at the same time if he came from the same deeply religious upbringing, he may never come to terms with it.

Have you tried inviting him to this website? Letting him see what others have to say might help and at the same time he can ask his questions too.
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Bi & Poly. . .is there anything better? Lol
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