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Old 05-02-2012, 02:48 AM
PassionFlower PassionFlower is offline
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Vancouver
Posts: 9

Originally Posted by ThatGirlInGray View Post

If he's completely against you being poly and refuses to do anything at all to learn about this way of having relationships that appears to be so crucial to your happiness, then I would say he doesn't really love YOU. He may love the idea of you, or the person he thought you were or convinced himself you were when he married you, but he doesn't love the real YOU. And you deserve better than getting lip-service to "loving" you.
Thank you, this means a lot to me. I have thought the same things myself. He has tried by having a threesome, and has read a little bit, but not all of the books I recommended. The threesome was awful emotionally for me, and I realized that if this was how polyamory was going to look in the marriage, it wasn't going to work, largely also because he wasn't willing to work on things because he doesn't want to be polyamorous. I think at the beginning of the relationship we both convinced ourselves I was someone else, so I can't blame him for thinking I was that person, but I was trying to be who my religion said I 'should' be.

I have suggested he allow me to be polyamorous, including having sex with other people, and he be monogamous, but this violates his ideas of the sacredness of sex and the union of marriage. He says he can accept that I am polyamorous and bisexual as long as I don't ACT on it, but I just don't see that working for me.

Thanks for the encouragement that there are wonderful, loving people out there than I can have healthy relationships with, however that ends up looking for me. I am feeling better today and more confident that I will be okay and that I can take care of myself and love myself.
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