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Old 05-02-2012, 02:01 AM
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PhilosophicallyLost PhilosophicallyLost is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Colorado
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Several seem to be concerned about the communication frequency. Yes, 4-5 times is not enough, though I was thinking of the more serious talks. The talks where I told him this is seriously hurting me and could be an incompatibility problem. As far as communicating otherwise, I've done some of it but I really struggled with doing it much while I was in school. With him working nights and me doing something or another 60 hours a week it was really difficult to ever see him enough to talk about anything bothering me. Also, I don't feel like I "reach" him when we communicate. Like I'm heard completely. I told EVERYTHING to my first boyfriend, and even my second. I never had a problem voicing my complaints to them. Yet with Y I do...it's very strange. I'm just not comfortable somehow with him on it. The other guys I was with got the hint, but he doesn't, so I feel like I'm lost in Wonderland trying to reach him. I'm hoping the Love Languages book helps out with that some.

If anything I think where I've failed the most to communicate is when I immediately was hurt about his reactions, which is when the serious conversations eventually came into play. Even when those serious conversations happened, he had this way of...never really agreeing to address the concern? He'd just justify why he WASN'T doing what I wanted. I never hear a, "Yes, I'm going to work on this." That made me feel like he basically discarded my concern as invalid because his explanation was supposed to cure the "misunderstanding." I did try to communicate a fair amount in the beginning, but this pattern continued to discourage me more and more...so I guess I need to talk to him about his communication style during serious conversations. For what it was worth the letter I wrote him seemed to have an impact though. He has reduced his porn viewing significantly. So right now I'm trying to work myself out of being jaded about it and trying again. I ordered the Love Languages book online, so I'm looking forward to reading it and hopefully he will too....but I can at least say I have been significantly more blunt this month. I'm tired of not being heard anymore, frankly. Screw it if it causes more fights, I'm damn tired of not fighting. What a difference from my first relationship, ha ha.

I mentioned finances again in response to what others said about my reaction to finances...I only mentioned the financial security bit initially because I felt it was a desireable quality in a guy from the perspective of independence and responsibility and that it is not a trait that E excels in so much. Despite that E lives with us, his mom still does his laundry and takes him to work. He and his mom share bank accounts, so his fate is largely attached to his family's. I respect family but I really don't like to be entertwined so much like that. Y and I love doing things our way, on our own two feet.

I don't see a penny of Y's money technically in terms of luxury spending. We do not share bank accounts. His money's about as tied to mine as E's is. I pay my third of the rent and random bills, Y pays his. Y probably has $600 spare a month, I have about a $100. He buys stuff all the time, I don't. I could easily tell you what stuff is his, and what's mine. My quality of living really wouldn't change that much if I moved out as long as I could find a room mate. And I'm not too worried about that. I only work 25 hours a week so if I really wanted more spending money I could work more. I'm not bound to Y financially in this scenario, I promise you. I like the financial security, but if I'm happier with someone else with less income I'm not too concerned. I just like independent men, and Y excels in this quality.
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