Originally Posted by PassionFlower
And while honesty is a basic premise of polyamory, so is not breaking relationships
I think this view might be a bit misguided....
If the most basic definition of polyamory is "ethical nonmonogamy", then while honesty is pretty basic to being ethical, I don't see any way to figure in "not breaking relationships" as a "basic premise" of polyamory.
I think I'm ethically nonmonogamous. I'll end any relationship I'm in that is unhealthy and unfixable.
What I mean to say is, if you don't want to end your relationship with your husband, then don't. But if you think that you are obligated to remain in a relationship with him to be "true" to the idea of polyamory, I think you're possibly lying to yourself as much as to your husband.
The rest of what I'd like to say has been said by others, I think. I guess I'll just add that I sincerely hope I never find that I've been put into the same situation as your husband. Or you. It sounds very unhappy, for both of you.