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Old 05-01-2012, 11:09 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Default Kevin's Part I Answers (Post 3 of 3)

[continued from above]

Closing disclaimers: All these answers I've given are true and sincere reflections of how I currently perceive things ... but I don't consider any of them to be "definitive," "perfect," or "universal" answers. They're all inevitably flawed. And my perceptions (and thus my answers to the riddles) could easily change (or expand). Indeed, the whole scope of this discussion tends to fall outside the bounds of any glossary, as it's all so subjective and prone to stereotyping. Ultimately, the riddles remain riddles.

Still, the ideas of "more poly" and "less poly" (or "more mono") do seem to have some meaning to the intuition. Some people seem to be "better adapted to poly" or "more suited to monoamory." I know of at least one couple that tends to self-identify as poly, yet has trouble practicing polyamory and seems to have less drama when they stick to monoamory (or are in a relatively monogamous state of affairs). Also, for me, this stuff all adds up to an interesting/useful thought exercise, especially when pondering the big question: "What does 'more polyamorous' mean?"

Finally, I'll reiterate that I mean/intend no harm/bias/offense against those who are monogamous (or "more monogamous"). I don't subscribe to the idea that "monogamy is inherently evil." Yes, it would be strange for someone to limit their platonic friends to just one person, but the "sucky" reality is, that romantic love is different from platonic/familial love. The different kinds of love can be compared, sure, and I believe polyamory can be a healthy way of living (if done sensitively and sensibly). But, for example, we might say it's okay for an adult to have a platonic friendship with a child (or for a parent to share familial love with their child), but we certainly wouldn't say that by analogy, it would be okay for an adult to have a romantic relationship with a child. So romantic love does sometimes have different "rules" than platonic love. That's why I think "monogamy is (or can sometimes be) okay." It's not right for everyone, but some people can have monogamous romantic feelings. It happens.

Sometimes monogamy happens because of overwhelming social conditioning, and it's never good when monogamy is a "state of co-ownership." People are not (or shouldn't be) property. But some couples really are naturally monogamous, and willingly commit to be exclusive to each other without demanding (even implicitly) that commitment from each other. That's my belief. It's part of my belief system.

Now, is it more common to be naturally/internally polyamorous? Quite possibly. But with society skewed by all the extra monogamous conditioning, it's hard (for me, anyway) to tell. I admit I know of a lot of crappy/dysfunctional monogamous relationships. But I also know of some good/wholesome monogamous relationships. And all relationships can (hopefully do) improve over time.
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
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