Thanks for the words of advice everyone. I'm not sure I have more to add at the moment, but you've all given me much to think about. I had good (if tough) conversations with all involved last night. My husband has been seeing a therapist for the last few months--and I have too. We've no embarrassment around that. Life can be tough for everyone, but why not get a little help if you can?
I'm not sure he'll ever be interested in seeing "how it's done" but it's interesting that some people find that tack helpful. Nightgown or no nightgown, it's fairly impossible to live with a lover and not have them see you in various states of disrobe. In general I try to keep the bruises hidden, but he still sees them and/or knows they are there. I think taking extreme measure to keep him from ever seeing them would cause greater damage to our relationship than talking it through as we are doing now. It feels very secretive, distancing, and--well--more like cheating than poly.