Thread: compromising.
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Old 05-01-2012, 05:42 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
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Mono and I know compromise all to well. We have based most of our relationship on compromise. Not so much now as we are looking at boundaries finally, but there was a time when the space between what I felt I could agree to and what he felt he could agree to was so large that both of us were hurting.

I ended up compromising who I am so that he would feel safe in my love for him. He needed me to be dedicated to what we had together with my family in a way that he understood it from his mainstream monogamous perspecitve. He needed me to not make changes by dating and having sex with others, so I compromised and said I would agree to no sex with others. He agreed to work on being okay with my having emotional connections with others.

The pain of being emotionally connected and not being able to act on it was very hard for me. It was painful, sad and I was frustrated and angry. I stayed the course though and learned not only how to live in those emotions and still be okay, but I learned how important integrity is to me. He learned how far I would go to love him and have him in my life. He trusts far more than I ever thought he would.

Compromises suck. Boundariy agreements feel much easier as there is no gap to deal with, just a line. Rules are one sided and enforced by another who thinks they have control over the situation or other people. That's how I see it anyway.
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