I also meant to say, if your hubs has a serious history of abuse, some good therapy is definitely in order. It is important, I'd say critical, to be able to separate the past from the now. I say this as a person who spent many intensive years dealing with my own sordid history.
People who didn't know me then (and there aren't many still with me), they meet me now, and don't actually believe that I have history or that I was ever as dysfunctional as I was. It's a little irritating, frankly. But I wouldn't trade the freedom I created for anything. I'm not saying he's dysfunctional. I'm just saying I understand coming from a hideous background. I really understand how worth it it is to do the work and be free of it.
If he acknowledges and owns that it's his issue, I beg of him to not do it alone. Sure, it can be done, but why work so hard and why tough it out? Especially when there are so very many sources available for help and guidance.
Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own...
Robert A. Heinlein
Me: female, bi, (formerly hinge of a vee)
with FirstBoyFriend (FBF)(moderately long-distance)
and no longer with CurrentBoyFriend (CBF)(who now lives in a house far away-with stairs I can't climb)